Where will you go from “here”
“What we’ve got here, is the failure to communicate. Some men you just can’t reach. So you get what we had here last week, which is the way he wants it. Well, he gets it. I don’t like it any more than you men”: Axl Rose from Guns & Roses preludes this before he gets on to singing the “Civil War” song.
Am sure like me, many of you have found yourselves in situations where you simply couldn’t make the connection you wanted to — maybe a girlfriend, maybe a boss, maybe a reportee or a peer or may be a seller you were trying to cut a deal with. Some are lucky with the situation resolving itself in a short time, some aren’t.
Why bother? you may ask. Sure, in certain cases you can let it slide and move on with your life as it didn't mean a spot of bother. But what if, you had to deal with it every day. Yes, literally every day. When you work in teams, collaboration is the key to not just one’s success but the underlying product too. That collaboration isn’t just pair-programming or integrating different pieces of the overall product but its the ability to seamlessly “representing” one another. The ability to bring in contrasting and complementing skills and approaches to the table that synergize into a unique identity — helps you stand apart from the rest of them. More than you, it's your boss and organization are the ones who’d be happier when this happens. That is what they build teams for — teams that morph themselves into a Power Ranger or a Multi-Transformer bot that takes on greater complexities, bigger challenges and give the competition a nudge they cannot forget.
But, it doesn’t work that way all the time. There are different personalities at work and each has their own agenda. Some are inclusive in nature, the ones that want to be champions and take people around them under their wings to make them champions. Victory is always a shared notion for them and teams come first. Some others are exclusive and play the “zero-sum” game and for them, everything is a hyped up mission which only a savior in them can make it thru. Teams come after them. Some others are unidirectional drifters, nothing matters as long as they chug along with the rest of the team, make it thru and get rewarded — droopy, you may call them but are always harmless. The latter mixed with the one of the former two are sweet mixes. But mix the former two and things get very interesting.
I don’t just say it, but going thru it. If it was just a lack of collaboration in the mix I’d have tried for a bit a let it be. But having been subjected to countless insults, abuses and rude behavior with a mere pursuit of causing pain and hurt, for an elongated period of time, there comes a point where you stop. And you must. Not because no one around you fully knows about what is going on, but because someone is seeing this as an endless “war” they win every day and derive a kick out of it. Doing nothing about it is also to encourage it. Avoid the interactions is feeding more into the “war”. As I stopped to recollect all the incidents, deal with the unresolved emotions, flush it all out, listen to pieces of advice from my well-wishers, I have big questions to answer — “where do we go from here?” and “where do I go from here?”. The answer to the former is easy — NOWHERE. That is how it's always been. Answering the latter is key. You need closure in these times and that is what I will do. And how will that happen? With a switch in my mindset and approach —
I fully accept that letting go and moving on is way more important for my people, my work, my team and me, than constantly projecting a fantasy of how the relationship could’ve been if the many things I tried was acknowledged and had reciprocation from the other side
Heaven knows I’ve tried. So I go forth, with a refreshed mind, a light heart, and a brand new canvas to paint my next story. Yes, giving myself a peaceful, happier and quieter me, is where I am going.
